Before you read on let me warn you, there is embarrassing and personal information that may or may not (but mostly just may) be somewhat sexually suggestive. This information will leave you with side aches do to laughter if you have a good sense of humor or will leave you judging me and shaking your head if you do not. For those of you with the latter, stop reading now.
I am a fairly awkward person. I can admit it. I cannot blame it all on my sheltered upbringing that left me slightly naive to sexual innuendo, some of it is just that I often say things that are well, awkward. Let's just say, blunt honesty, dry humor and extreme sarcasm with a pinch of cynicism can mix in ways that leave some people less amused than others. While I try to surround myself only with people who are as amused as I am with my personality and who can look at my social awkwardness and smile endearingly, this does not protect me when I am unleashed on the unsuspecting public. The poor unsuspecting public like the guys at Subway tonight.
Earlier tonight my daughter and I decided to go out for dinner at the local Subway. When we got there it was pretty quiet. Only the two employees, Baby Girl and I were in the shop. The employees were both young Hispanic guys, I'd say maybe 18 and 20 if I had to guess. I read over the menu and decided to just go with soup, maybe I could convince Baby Girl to taste it before she begged me for Ritz crackers for dinner...I asked the older of the two guys behind the counter if I could get a bowl of soup, completely unaware that this would lead to one of those OMG I am SO AWKWARD!!! moments. This is the conversation that followed:
Me: "Hey, can I get a bowl of soup?"
Subway Guy #1: "Sorry, we ran out of soup. We have meatballs, though."
Me: "Oh, ok. How big are your meatballs?"
At this point the guy behind the counter kind of pursed his lips and paused. I, of course, still had no idea what I had said to make him look at me like that, so I waited...
Subway Guy #1: "Um, I'd say they are average sized."
This is when Subway Guy #2 starts to snicker behind the cash register. Upon hearing the snickers, I realized my mistaken wording. I can feel my face getting red but I don't quite have any words to correct my mistake. So, again, I look at him sheepishly and wait for him to continue.
Subway Guy #1: "I can show them to you, if you want."
At this point I definitely have no response. So, I stare at him without the slightest hint that I have heard him speak or that I do, indeed, understand English (which he spoke surprisingly clearly). It is around this time that Subway Guy #2 quietly excuses himself to the back room where I can hear him laughing openly.
Subway Guy #1: *Holding up spoon containing 2 averaged sized meatballs* "See?"
Me: *More awkward staring*
Subway Guy #1: "Ok...Is 2 enough, or would you like 4?"
Me: "They're for my daughter...so 2 is fine."
Ah, my Mother would be so proud. Scratch the Subway down the street off of my already limited list of places to eat at in the great city of Clovis. I feel I can really only blame myself and the adolescent immaturity of fast food workers for that one. Or maybe I can't even blame them. It's because I'm awkward, isn't it?
