Things You Should Never Have to Say.

Having a toddler, I often find myself in situations where I am saying things that would never normally come out of my mouth. Sometimes I have to stop and just take a moment to appreciate all the wonderful Mommy-isms that I yell out at any given moment. Here are a few of them:

"We don't eat things we find on the sidewalk."
"Please, stop coloring on the furniture/floor/walls/dogs."
"Let's not lick the floor."
"We don't put our feet on the table."
"Please, stop screaming at the nice waitress."
"We don't kick Daddy in the face."
"Can we not squish crackers into the couch?"
"I don't think Daddy wants you to do that with his toothbrush."
"It's not nice to hit our friends in the face with hot wheels."
"Good job for putting on your shoes! Now, can we put them on your feet instead?"
"We don't rub our face on the hospital waiting room floor."
"Where did you get gum and who pre-chewed it for you?"
"It's not nice to scream in our friends' faces."
"Let's not poo in the bathtub."
"We don't put our fingers in the puppy's nose."
"Please, don't throw things at Mommy."
"What is that in your mouth?"
"Look at my face, we don't stand on the puppy's head."
"You can't just eat macaroni and crayons for dinner."
"If you jump on my couch one more time I will fling you off it."
"Please, take Mommy's panties off of your head."
"We have to wear clothes when we go into public."
"Put the poop down!"
"Don't put your hands in there."
"Get your finger out of it!"
"Don't step in it either!"
"The puppies' water dish is not a swimming pool."
"Bananas belong in our mouth, not between our toes."
"Please, stop pushing over Mommy's laundry."
"Please, put the laundry down."
"No, let's not step on the laundry either, ok?"
"Oh, does that tantrum mean it's naptime???"
"Mommy doesn't want a kiss until you let her wipe your nose."
"I know you can hear me."
"Mommy loves you, why do you want her to go crazy?"

You all know that if I were talking to an adult that person would either be mentally handicapped or a gigantic jerk. However, she is only 1, and she is just cute enough to make it all worth while. :)