Life

Life is crazy.

I'm serious. If life were a person we would have it committed. You can't trust it to stay where you put it, it goes from calm to chaos quicker than a manic episode, it bitch-slaps you when you're looking the other way. People you thought you knew; you didn't. Places you thought you'd be; you're not. The life you pictured when you first started out; kiss it goodbye. Because this life is absolutely 100% unpredictably, certifiably insane. We could theorize for days and weeks at the reasons for this: the failures on our part or on others', the sin in the world and the fall of man and the effed-up, free-willed bad decisions that have led us all to this point...but why?

Why not just embrace it instead?

I have no time to sit around and focus solely on how unfair life is. Maybe that's because I have a 3-year-old and a 3-month-old and don't have time to shower, much less put much thought into anything beyond the next 4 minutes. Maybe that's just because I really don't want to give it that much time. Maybe it's because I know deep down that spending that much time thinking really doesn't get anyone anywhere. All I know is that it won't do to sit around feeling sorry for myself. After all, we are each partially responsible for where we end up. Good or bad. Happy or sad. Most of us have some say over which bed we end up in.

So instead, most days, I choose happiness. I choose to look into my little girls' eyes and let myself feel my heart exploding with love and pride and amazement over these perfect little humans I've been blessed to know. I choose to laugh with them and play with them. I choose silliness and make believe. I choose princesses and fairy tales. I choose snuggles and rare quiet moments. I choose coos and milky smiles. I choose love and not hate.

Hate will steal these precious seconds from me. Hate will blind me to the blessings being showered down on me every minute. Hate will only destroy me in the end. It will destroy more than me, it will destroy the ones I love the most and the moments I have with them. These babies are only babies once, and only for an instant before they are grown, so I'm not going to waste it. I'm not saying it's easy. Because it's not. Keeping the hate out is nearly impossible some days.

Some days it's all I can see. All I feel is hurt and heat and betrayal. Life is so profoundly unfair!

We may have some say in where we are, but we can't control others. We can't stop them or start them. We can't change them or pray them into someone they don't want to be. So we mourn. We cry. We stomp and shout and scream to the Lord that this life is just too much some days. Because it is. Life is far too much without a Saving Grace. So it's a really good thing we have one, isn't it? It's a good thing we have a God who is big enough to handle the hard questions. One who can handle it when we scream at Him. One who doesn't get frazzled when we have an all out toddler-status temper tantrum because we feel like life is crashing down around us. One who can see into the future and who knows how this crazy life is going to turn out and can look into our souls and whisper our reassurance, I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans for a hope. Plans for a future.

It's a good thing we have One who spurs us on with whispers of hope. But don't make the mistake of being so caught up in the anger of life's injustices that you miss them. Mourn for a time and then be still. Be quiet. Listen for His reassurances. Remember that we all hurt. Some more than others, but you'd be surprised if you looked up from your own problems to see how many of us are suffering our own crazy-life whiplash wounds quietly alone together. So choose to look out, keep your head up, not for yourself but for those around you hurting the same sorts of hurt, or maybe something far worse. Remember that life is happening around you while you choose suffering and hate, and you're missing it. Remember a Redeemer is waiting for you to call out to Him that you can't do this alone.

So today I'm taking my own advice. Today (and I'm only promising today because who knows what tomorrow will bring) I am choosing to embrace the crazy that life throws at me. I am choosing to look up. I am choosing hope and love and not hate. I am choosing to appreciate the joys in my life. After all, they are more than just glimmers of light, they are explosions, and if I'm keeping my head up and keeping my focus outward, I won't miss a single moment.