On Motherhood and Being Good

I love this Mothering thing. I love it. I want to do it every single day (a good thing, because there's no going back once they pull that wriggling little bundle of goo-covered-bliss out of your womb). I love holding my babies. I love snuggles and hugs and sticky cheeked kisses. I love funny sayings and letter drawing and growing-up-wonderment. I love the profound and shockingly deep emotions that come with being a Mommy. The unending love. The fierce protectiveness that overshadows fear. The strength that comes from knowing that your babies need you, so you must press on, move forward, give a little more.

I love loving my girls.

But I won't pretend it's easy. It's exhausting. It's every second of every day. A constant, full-time, wonderful and really real job. The very nature of children is to be infinitely needy. I have loved meeting those needs with every second of my existence for the past three years. I have loved it and I have done it well. No apologies, no excuses, no regrets.

I may be an imperfect person. But that doesn't mean I am not good.

I am a good Mommy. (But only recently am I strong enough to admit it.)

I am an up-at-dawn, all day, inexhaustible force for these babies. I am a pace-all-night with a screaming infant, Mommy. I am a down on my knees, playing and sharing and praying, Mommy. I am a Not until you eat your vegetables; It's time for bed, now; I know you're mad but Mommy loves you, Mommy. I will fight for what is best for them. I will protect them from any pain they can be spared. I will be a constant in their lives. I will hold them together. I will grow with them. I will learn with them. I will pray for them; pray for them with every breath, because I know that where I am insufficient, there stands a God who loves them more than I do and has infinite power and patience and wisdom and strength where mine fail.

I know that I am a good Mommy.

Why is it so difficult to admit that???

If I was to be reviewed by panel of Mommy-ing experts, I would score pretty well on the Mommy Scale. But I know I'm not alone in saying that there are times I have serious doubts about the job I'm doing. All it takes is a look-see on Facebook or a stroll through the Pinterest world, where women are making organic, vegan, gluten-free and somehow fantastically tasty meals three times a day for their four perfectly kept and wonderfully behaved gorgeous, photogenic children, to realize, Dear God, I must be doing something wrong here. I have shortcomings. I am at times quite inadequate. I am not perfect. But who said I needed to be perfect, anyway?

I am making a stand now. I am shouting for all to hear: I AM GOOD.

I am strong enough to admit that it's a hard job being Mommy. I'm strong enough to admit that without good friends and amazing family support, this job would be next to impossible. And now, I am strong enough to admit to being good enough to do this. I love my children. I clean them and care for them. I listen to them and love them. I have a toddler that just looked me in the eyes and hugged me tight around the neck and said, "Mommy, I love you really a lot!"

I am good at being Mommy. And if you can read this and know that you are striving for the same then I want to encourage you:

You are a good Mommy too.

I'm so tired of feeling like I'm not good enough. So, I'm done with that. I deserve a break from the constant Mom-Guilt and my girls deserve a Mom that is unashamed and willing to admit that good doesn't mean perfect, good means accepting that perfect is unachievable and grace is sufficient to make up for the shortcomings that accompany living as a Mommy that is also *shocker* a human. As long as I keep striving to be better than I was yesterday, that is enough. That is good. I am good.

So, this one's for you, My Girlies. My Punky-Doo and Banana-Boo, thank you for making life wonderful  and beautiful, passionate and real. Thank you for your love and acceptance as we stumble through this growing-up thing together. Mommy loves you really a lot.

*happy kiss, sad kiss, sleepy kiss, loves*